JoBs - Various locations, Good pay!!!

[seebs@solutions.solon.com (Peter Seebach)]

Immediate openings available for the following positions.

We apologize for any typos; the person in the company who can use a computer
is on vacation, so we faxed these to a fax-to-news gateway, after typing them
in on a typewriter.

To apply, burn resume in a mixture of sulpher, ground snakeskin, and lime
jell-o, between 11:59PM and 12:01 AM on the next full moon.  Be sure to
also burn a scrap of human skin engraved with the job posting ID.

-----Experienced Java Applications Programmer (Gulf of Mexico)   ID#EJAPGOM
The qualified applicant will have:
	* At least 3 years experience working with Java in a forms and
	  business environment.
	* Size 8 or larger shoes.
	* 14+ years Visual COBOL.

Salary will range from $66,666 to $99,999, depending on experience,
qualifications, and skin color.

-----Experienced VMS/Visual Basic Developer (Emma Fitzgerald)    ID#EVVBDEF
The qualified applicant will have:
	* 5+ years experience working in a Visual Basic/VMS environment.
	* A Starter jacket.
	* A microbus.

Salary from $20k through $40k, payable in slightly damp taconite.

-----C/C++ Windows Developer (Potomac)                           ID#CCWDP
The qualified applicant will have:
	* Developed Microsoft Windows in C/C++.
	* 3+ years experience using Netscape to develop applications
	  software.
	* Have at least 15 years experience in a C/C++/Windows enviroment.
	* Be familiar with local flora and fauna.

Salary from $15k through $1m, depending on experience and gender.

-----COBOL Basket Weaver (Golden Gate Bridge)                    ID#CBWGGB
The qualified applicant will have:
	* 5+ years experience weaving baskets in COBOL/RPG.
	* 3+ years experience using Java in an IBM mainframe environment.
	* 3+ years experience with GURPS or AD&D.
	* A good portfolio to show off, including Easter baskets.

Salary from $20k to $40k, rolled on d20+20 weekly.

-----Applications Programming/Real Industrial Labor (Louisiana)  ID#APRIL
The qualified applicant will have:
	* An NEI degree in Mechanical Engineering.
	* A Ph.D in chemistry, philosophy, or the equivalent.
	* A very fast car.

Salary from $18,223.01 through $18,223.04, depending on experience and height.

-----Full-time Operator/Operations Labor Specialist (Everglades) ID#FOOLS
The qualified applicant will:
	* Be willing to perjure himself on a moment's notice.
	* Be able to resist the temptation to eat small birds that hop
	  into his mouth to clean his teeth.
	* Have a last name starting with 'A'.

Salary from $42,000 through $42,000, depending on number of chromosomes.


----END JOB POSTINGS----

Remember, if you see one of these in a group you don't think it belongs in,
go screw yourself!  Recruiters don't make money by being honest or
polite.
-- 
Peter Seebach - seebs@solon.com - Copyright 1996 Peter Seebach.
C/Unix wizard -- C/Unix questions? Send mail for help.  No, really!
FUCK the communications decency act.  Goddamned government.  [literally.]
The *other* C FAQ - http://www.solon.com/~seebs/c/c-iaq.html