Ten Commandments of Software Engineering (Humor)

Ten Commandments of Software Engineering (Humor)

[scott_ankrum]

I saw this elsewhere, but thought it belonged here.

    Originally posted by: tkrader@aol.com (TKRader)
    on the Newsgroup: comp.software-eng
    Date: 10 Mar 1995 09:37:08 -0500

I found this "bit" of humor posted on the wall outside my office.
Fundamentalists, Mormons, and Scientologists need not read this as it
might be somewhat offensive.
C/C++ proselytes don't bother flaming me, either. ;+>
Alas, I know the guy who wrote this very well.  He's a man of infinite
jest.

Tim

**********************

The 10 Commandments
as interpreted by Bishop Yorik
The Church of Charles Babbage of the Latter Day Programmers
(a.k.a. the Church of Computer Scientology)

0001) Ada is thine compiler which has brought thee out of the practice of
obfuscated "C" into the land of self-documenting code.  Thou shalt not use
false compilers before obtaining a written waiver.

0010) Thou shalt not make unto thee any false and graven Ada derivatives,
nor any derivatives of any syntax that is in the language or standard
libraries.  Thou shalt not resort to using them nor distributing them, for
Ada is a standard that visits the iniquities of nonbelievers upon the
descendant lifecycle phases and showing higher lifecycle productivity on
those that keep these commandments.

0011)  Thou shalt not take exception to the language of Ada for the
government shall not hold him guiltless who proposes another language.

0100) Thou shalt remember the architecture and keep it wholly.  For
concepts, requirements, preliminary and detailed design shalt thou labor,
and do the up-front development, but the fifth phase is implementation and
thou shalt do no architectural changes, nor thy pro-grammers, nor thy
managers, nor any customer that resides within your facility; for at CDR
the system has been blessed and the designers shall rest.

0101) Honor thy methodologist and thy system engineer that thy days of
employment may be long that thy knowledge of computer science hath giveth
thee.

0110) Thou shalt not hack code.

0111) Thou shalt not adulterate code with functions that are out of scope,
nor viruses, time-bombs nor trojan horses.

1000) Thou shalt not "steal "copyrighted code except that thou shalt
"reuse' CSCs whenever possible.

1001) Thou shalt not bear false status reports to thy supervisor, nor
false discrepancy reports against thy teammate's software, nor false cost
or schedule estimates to thy customer.

1010) Thou shalt not covet thy teammate's window cubicle, nor thy
teammate's workstation, nor tools nor SEE nor secretary nor position nor
teammate's salary.

And all the managers saw the thundering of Ada zealots and trade studies
and symposium papers and the smoking of the programmers fingers over their
keyboards, and when the managers saw the increased productivity they stood
in awe.  And the managers said unto the computer scientologists, speak not
of this to our VPs lest we be fired for not thinking of this ourselves.


------- ------- ------- -------

T. Scott Ankrum -- IBM, Software Solutions Division, Bethesda 
                   Phone: (301)-803-1990  FAX: (301)-803-2377
                   Inter-Enterprise: USIB1JKV at IBMMAIL  
                   Internet: scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com    
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
|    Life: "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound    |
|          and fury, signifying nothing."    Shakespeare    |
|___________________________________________________________|

Re: Ten Commandments of Software Engineering (Humor)

[slp]

In article <3k4bfq$vg6@sernews.raleigh.ibm.com>, scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com writes:
>I saw this elsewhere, but thought it belonged here.
>
>    Originally posted by: tkrader@aol.com (TKRader)
>    on the Newsgroup: comp.software-eng
>    Date: 10 Mar 1995 09:37:08 -0500
>
>I found this "bit" of humor posted on the wall outside my office.
>Fundamentalists, Mormons, and Scientologists need not read this as it
>might be somewhat offensive.
>C/C++ proselytes don't bother flaming me, either. ;+>
>Alas, I know the guy who wrote this very well.  He's a man of infinite
>jest.
>
>Tim
>

[Deleted commandments in the name of bandwidth, but ROTFL]

>
>And all the managers saw the thundering of Ada zealots and trade studies
>and symposium papers and the smoking of the programmers fingers over their
>keyboards, and when the managers saw the increased productivity they stood
>in awe.  And the managers said unto the computer scientologists, speak not
>of this to our VPs lest we be fired for not thinking of this ourselves.

Very cute, but only one thought, 10 is not a power of two, shouldn't 
there be 8 or maybe 16 of them? ;-)


>
>
>------- ------- ------- -------
>
>T. Scott Ankrum -- IBM, Software Solutions Division, Bethesda 
>                   Phone: (301)-803-1990  FAX: (301)-803-2377
>                   Inter-Enterprise: USIB1JKV at IBMMAIL  
>                   Internet: scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com    
>|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
>|    Life: "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound    |
>|          and fury, signifying nothing."    Shakespeare    |
>|___________________________________________________________|
>

Best,


-* Stephen *-
Stephen Posey
SLP@uno.edu
University of New Orleans