Microsoft buys "9X" designation (humor)

Microsoft buys "9X" designation (humor)

[David Weller]

WASHINGTON, DC, -- Feb 6, 1995 -- Microsoft Corp. (NASDAQ:MSFT) 
confirmed today that it is aquiring the "9X" designation from the Ada
Joint Program Office(AJPO).  This was apparently done as part of a
three-way agreement between the AJPO, the Department of Justice, and
Microsoft.  As part of the transfer agreement, Microsoft has agreed to 
stop using the designation of "Windows95" for their often-delayed
release of their new version of Windows, instead switching to the
safer designation of "Windows9X".  

The agreement was also done to prevent copyright infringement 
threats by Microsoft toward the AJPO, which had recently acquired
status with their new language as the first internationally standardized
object-oriented language, commonly called Ada95.  Because Microsoft
was rumored to have purchased the year 1995, Microsoft was claiming
usage of the numbers "95" would constitute copyright infringements
under international trade laws.  In previous years, the AJPO had been
using the "Ada9X" designation, but changed it to Ada95 this year to
commemorate its standardization.  No spokesperson for the AJPO was
available for comment.

The Department of Justice is expected to suspend further
investigations of illegal trade practices on the part of Microsoft as
part of the three way agreement.  The Department has no public
comment on the transaction, but a source that wishes to remain
anonymous indicated that the Department is eager to get away from
both Microsoft and the AJPO, since the Department is incapable of
understanding any concepts related to software.

Microsoft, in a spirit of cooperation, has indicated that they will
release a version of "Visual Ada95" in the near future.  An
unidentified source in Redmond indicated the release date of the
product will be, "approximately two quarters after we begin to sell
snowcones in hell."  This is apparently part of a business expansion
plan on the part of Microsoft, which is already rumored to have
dominated hell with copies of Microsoft Windows.  In a move related
to the snow cone operation, Microsoft has recently announced it is
buying all the "Frosty King" ice cream stands and shipping them off
to hell.  In return, all Department of Justice personnel have been
guaranteed an unlimited supply of icy confections when they arrive 
there.


(The above text was intended to be satirical, and in no way reflects
on the actual actions or intentions of any large, monopolistic
corporations :-)
-- 
      Frustrated with C, C++, Pascal, Fortran?  Ada95 _might_ be for you!
	  For all sorts of interesting Ada95 tidbits, run the command:
"finger dweller@starbase.neosoft.com | more" (or e-mail with "finger" as subj.)
	

Re: Microsoft buys "9X" designation (humor)

[Ricardo Paoletti]

In <3h5luc$5gq@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM>, dweller@Starbase.NeoSoft.COM (David Weller) writes:
>
>WASHINGTON, DC, -- Feb 6, 1995 -- Microsoft Corp. (NASDAQ:MSFT) 
>confirmed today that it is aquiring the "9X" designation from the Ada
>Joint Program Office(AJPO).  This was apparently done as part of a
>three-way agreement between the AJPO, the Department of Justice, and
>Microsoft.  As part of the transfer agreement, Microsoft has agreed to 
>stop using the designation of "Windows95" for their often-delayed
>release of their new version of Windows, instead switching to the
>safer designation of "Windows9X".  

New York, NY - Feb. 6 95, later on - NYNEX Corp. won't comment on Microsoft's
recent purchase of the '9X' designation, but sources at the telephone company's
legal department declared that the company is prepared to sue the software
giant if the agreement is confirmed.
"If they want to call their software Windows9*, WindowsCurrentYear, or any 
other name it is fine with us, but we don't want be associated in any form with a
constantly late and delayed project", said the source at NYNEX. 

|       Ricardo Paoletti        |       paolett@ibm.net                 |
|                               |       ag795@freenet.buffalo.edu       |

Re: Microsoft buys "9X" designation (humor)

[Michael Feldman]

This is GREAT stuff, David. Nice goin'!

Mike Feldman