From: Mark Lundquist <mark@rational.com>
Subject: Re: Kindness
Date: 1999/09/10
Date: 1999-09-10T00:00:00+00:00 [thread overview]
Message-ID: <37D963E9.EFD1C218@rational.com> (raw)
In-Reply-To: 37D7FEC8.8EB3B2F4@msfc.nasa.gov
Hmm, this thread has gone from "kindness", to "homework", and back to
"kindness" again, all on its own. Will it ever make it back to Ada? I doubt it...
:-)
James William Zuercher wrote:
> A very long time ago a very good friend of mine, and a very wise soul told me "If
> anyone asks you for help, if it is within your means to provide what they ask for,
> give it." "You can't control what they do with what you give them." "However they
> thought they needed help and you have supplied it." "That is what truly matters."
There's a kernel of truth there: "You can't control what they do with what you give
them." That may be true, but it doesn't excuse you from the responsibility to give
them the right thing. The outcome of the scenario depends on both. Your
responsibility ends where you have given the right thing -- not necessarily what they
asked for.
Crassly put, you are saying that your duty to the other person is to make them feel
good ("Ah, you gave me the help I asked for, thank you..."). But doing that may be
detrimental to them, and it may be detrimental to you.
I highly recommend these two books for their clarity on this issue:
- "Boundaries", by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Though it's written from a
Christian world view, I don't think their priniciples would be hard to swallow even
for an atheist (maybe some atheist can read the book and tell me if I'm right about
that... :-)
- "Parenting With Love and Logic", by Jim Fay and Foster Kline. The context is
child-raising, but the relational principles are pretty much universal.
next prev parent reply other threads:[~1999-09-10 0:00 UTC|newest]
Thread overview: 45+ messages / expand[flat|nested] mbox.gz Atom feed top
1999-08-31 0:00 Kindness Mark Lundquist
1999-09-02 0:00 ` Kindness Marin David Condic
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Geoff Bull
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Marin David Condic
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Larry Kilgallen
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Robert I. Eachus
1999-09-04 0:00 ` Eight Queens problem (was Re: Kindness) Daryle Walker
1999-09-05 0:00 ` Robert Dewar
1999-09-14 0:00 ` Robert I. Eachus
1999-09-06 0:00 ` Vladimir Olensky
1999-09-06 0:00 ` Robert Dewar
1999-09-07 0:00 ` bourguet
1999-09-08 0:00 ` Robert Dewar
1999-09-08 0:00 ` bourguet
1999-09-08 0:00 ` Robert Dewar
1999-09-08 0:00 ` Ted Dennison
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness tmoran
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Marin David Condic
[not found] ` <37D55622.69B27515@rational.com>
1999-09-07 0:00 ` Homework (was Re: Kindness) Larry Kilgallen
1999-09-08 0:00 ` Ted Dennison
1999-09-08 0:00 ` Homework Mark Lundquist
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Aidan Skinner
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Larry Kilgallen
1999-09-04 0:00 ` Kindness Aidan Skinner
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Marin David Condic
1999-09-06 0:00 ` Kindness Bill Findlay
1999-09-06 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
1999-09-07 0:00 ` Kindness Marin David Condic
1999-09-07 0:00 ` Kindness Bill Findlay
1999-09-06 0:00 ` Kindness Geoff Bull
1999-09-05 0:00 ` Kindness Aidan Skinner
1999-09-02 0:00 ` Kindness Jerry Petrey
1999-09-02 0:00 ` Kindness Nick Roberts
1999-09-02 0:00 ` Kindness Larry Kilgallen
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Andy Askey
1999-09-05 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
1999-09-07 0:00 ` Kindness Andy Askey
1999-09-07 0:00 ` Kindness Bill Findlay
1999-09-03 0:00 ` Kindness Matthew Heaney
1999-09-09 0:00 ` Kindness James William Zuercher
1999-09-10 0:00 ` Mark Lundquist [this message]
1999-09-10 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
1999-09-10 0:00 ` Kindness Robert Dewar
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