Shooting yourself in the foot (reprised)

Shooting yourself in the foot (reprised)

[Ted Dennison]

I run across these lists everywhere. Unfortunately, they all seem to
have been done by some brain-damaged soul who thinks C is a "normal"
language. So I have made an attempt to come up with a new list that is a
little more accurate, at least where I sit.

Ada : 
You aim at your foot and pull the trigger, but the safety stops the gun
from firing. The safety won't budge until you tag your foot with a sign
reading "Bullet Hole in this foot", and call the paramedics. You do so,
then shoot yourself in the foot.

C :
The gun comes in 38 pieces, with a set of assembly instructions. After
painstakingly assembling the pieces, you pull the trigger and the gun
promptly backfires and blows your head off.

Assembly :
The same as C, except you have to hand-machine all the pieces as well.
When you pull the trigger, your whole house explodes.

Java:
You break into someone else's home and steal their water pistol. You
then make a child gun that uses .38 rounds instead of water. When you
pull the trigger on the child gun, nothing happens to you, but everyone
who visits your house gets shot in the foot.

Basic :
You aim the gun at a straight horizontal and pull the trigger, which
causes a stream of water to be squirted straight down onto your foot.

Pearl :
You aim the gun at your foot and pull the trigger. There is no
explosion, but gravity causes the bullet to slide out of the barrel and
bounce off your foot.

Lisp :
You do a small part of the remaining work involved in shooting yourself
in the foot. You then call yourself, and tell yourself to shoot yourself
in the foot.

Pascal:
The same as Ada, except when you pull the trigger a little sign pops out
reading "BANG!".

C++ :
The same as Java, except you try to build the parent water pistol using
the gun tools from the C gun. When you pull the trigger on the child
gun, the parent C gun explodes, spraying water everywhere, including the
chamber of the child gun. This causes the child gun to backfire, blowing
your head off.

Visual C++ :
The same as C++, except that the bullets, the gun parts, the tools you
use to put it together, the hospital you get taken to afterwards, and
the ambulance that takes you there are all owned by the same company.

APL :
Whenever you pull the trigger, no matter where you aim the gun, the
bullet ricochets off of 13 objects and lodges in your foot. The gun has
been examined by ballistics experts, mechanical engineers, and even the
person who made it, and none of them can figure out how it works.

FORTRAN
When you aim the gun at your foot and pull the trigger, a table indexing
error causes the gun to shoot its firing pin into your foot instead of
the bullet.

Happy holidays to all...
-- 
T.E.D.          
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