* COLIN JAMES III Frequently Asked Questions
@ 1996-04-08 0:00 USENET HUMOR ADMINISTRATION
0 siblings, 0 replies; 2+ messages in thread
From: USENET HUMOR ADMINISTRATION @ 1996-04-08 0:00 UTC (permalink / raw)
COLIN JAMES III FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (AND ANSWERS)
This FAQ will be reposted monthly to relevant USENET groups.
Q1: Who is Colin James III?
A1: KotM Winner January 1996 - Colin James III (cjames@cec-services.com)
(from http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm/winnersk96.html)
Colin James III, anti-stukach, creator of BSAM, one-man harrasment
squad... What can you say about him, this anti-stukach (stukach
being Russian for "informer") claimed that he had created the BSAM
sort alogorithm, got challenged on it, demonstrated a tenuous (at
best) grasp of the basic concepts and perfromance of BSAM, then
launched into a vigourous campaign to impign all of his "enemies"
(which, to the best of my knowledge meant anyone who mentions his
name) by emailing, faxing, calling and otherwise alerting his
"enemies" employers, ISPs, and (in the case of government employees)
the Inspector General of the United States of America to naughty
behavior (reading rec.nude, corssposting to more than three
newsgroups) in the apparent hopes of costing someone his or her job,
account, or SOMETHING... I really have no idea what.
Colin has (as of last report) set up an autoresponder to tell anyone
who sends him email that "Colin is no longer accepting email to this
account". However, he/his sysadmin/SOMEONE keeps quoting the
so-called "ignored" email messages to the senders' sysadmin, boss,
the IG etc.
Colin won with an AMAZING number of votes (182!), making him the
Most-Voted-For KotM nominee in the history of the award (at least
under my term of office - Jan 1995 - Jan 1996).
Q2: What this Kook business is about?
A2: Every month since April 1994 (with a short haitus in Nov-Dec
1994), the readers of alt.usenet.kooks have nominated and voted for a
Kook of the Month. This award is intended to recognize great
achievements in the field of kookery, although (disclaimer) no
psychological diagnosis is intended or implied by the award; the fact
that a group of net.posters think that someone's ideas are bizarre
does not imply that that person is mentally disturbed in a clinical
sense.
Look at this excellent Web page: http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm/KotM.html
Q3: Why is this FAQ posted here?
A2: Because Colin James had fun in your group lying about BSAM (see
below) and harassing other people.
Q4: HELP!!! Colin James sent 150 nasty faxes to my boss and human
resources department because of my USENET posts!!! He demands that
I be fired. Will I be fired?
A4: Most probably no. He has complained to employers of at least 90
people in the last six or seven months, and no one (to our best
knowledge) of his victims has been fired. If you know that Colin goes
after you, talk to your boss immediately. Show him/her this FAQ and
print out relevant materials from the Kook Page, and you should be OK.
Q5: HELP!!! I am a big boss, and never read USENET. Today some freak
called me, said me that my employee abuses my corporate resources,
libels some very important company called CEC Services, and said that
if I do not fire this employee immediately, CEC Services will initiate
a legal action against us. What to do?
A5: Stay calm. The caller is most likely to be Colin James III, or,
as he calls himself, The Right Reverend Colin James III, Principal
Scientist. He is a known nut with a hobby to harass his opponents.
USENET users elected him Kook of the Month in January'96 for his
bizarre habit of harassing anyone who mentions his name.
Colin James is LYING. He will not sue your company. This is his trick
for getting people in trouble. In fact, in March he promised several
lawsuits to be filed "next week", however none of them has been ever
been really filed. CEC Services is a one man shop operating from Colin
James' residence, so Colin James is a Principal Scientist and principal
everything in his tiny operation.
Stop any contacts with him immediately. If he finds that you are not
listening, he will shut up.
Q6: HELP!!! I am an Internet user and today in the morning I got
a phone call asking that I cease and desist posting to USENET. What
to do?
A6: This is Colin James. Immediately hang up. Lift the receiver again
and press *57 (it initiates call trace). Call the police and report a
harassing phone call likely from Colin James. Fill them with details.
Make sure that they stay on the case.
Q7: Colin James promises to sue me. What's going to happen?
A7: Nothing. COLIN JAMES IS LYING AS USUAL. He promised to sue several
people "within a week or so", and no one heard about these lawsuits
thereafter.
The reason why he does not sue his "enemies" is that his claims are
frivolous (have no legal substance) and are likely to result in a
summary judgment not in his favor. He is obviously not rich enough
to afford paying an attorney on a non-contingency basis.
#Date: Sun, 03 Mar 1996 06:58:54 GMT
# ^^^^^^^^
#Subject: Re: Has anyone actually received any legal papers from CJ3?
#Path: ...!lll-winken.llnl.gov!news.larc.nasa.gov!news.msfc.nasa.gov
#!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu
#!newsfeed.internetmci.com!dimensional.com!news
#From: cjames@melchizedek.cec-services.com (The Right Reverend Colin James III)
#Newsgroups: comp.lang.ada
#
#
#| Or are his rantings without any legal substance?
#| dave
#
#Don't worry Dave, you're not left out. You're on the list too. We
#plan to be in court next week.
#Date: Mon, 04 Mar 1996 05:10:29 GMT
# ^^^^^^^^
#Newsgroups: comp.lang.ada
#Subject: Has anyone actually received any legal papers from CJ3?
#Path: ...!newsjunkie.ans.net!newsfeeds.ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net
#!newsfeed.internetmci.com!mr.net!winternet.com!dimensional.com!news
#
#Ronald Cole (ronald@ridgecrest.ca.us, zippy@ecst.csuchico.edu (The
#Pinhead)) wrote:
#
#"How about posting the Court and case number? I want to file an
#amicus curiae brief that contains harassing posts like this one of
#yours."
#
#Ronald, while I don't know you, fortunately, I can tell you it is US
#Federal District Court for a hearing, and I am hoping for a lady judge
#there who went to Harvard Law School and who particularly disdains
#pinheads and software architects, both of which you claim to be.
#Maybe you can get your swell pal and buddy Gary McKee, 111 W Freemont
#Ave, Littleton, CO 80120-4290, to call the clerks and show up in^H^H
#with your briefs.
Needless to say, his threats never materialized.
Q8: What is BSAM that Colin James claims to have invented?
A8: Allegedly, it is a fast method of indexing data. Nobody knows for
sure. TRRCJ3 refuses to give out any information about workings of BSAM.
On some occasions he was giving self-contradicting or outright stupid
information about BSAM and its performance.
From his post four months ago:
Subject: Re: [++] [$$] Re: Desperately seeking BSAM
>. Comparisons Moves
>. Sta- ===================== =========================
>
>Component ble Min Avg Max Min Avg Max
>========== ==- ======- ======- ======- ======- ======- ======-
>heap_sort No n log n n log n n log n n log n n log n n log n
>quick_sort No n log n n log n n^2 n log n n log n n^2
>radix_sort No n log n n log n n^2 n log n n log n n^2
>BSAM No n+ n^0.5
^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^
================================================================
Any computer science student knows that complexity
(n + n^0.5) makes no sense.
Sometimes he claims that BSAM is 10 times faster than B-trees, sometimes
that it is only four times faster.
The only thing that you can be sure about BSAM is, if you criticize it,
Colin James will demand your employer that you be fired (See Q4-Q6)
and will threaten to sue you. He is lying and will not sue you.
Q9: Why he calls himself The Right Reverend (and on some occasions bishop)?
A9: Nobody knows why, just as nobody knows what BSAM really is.
What everybody _does_ know, however, is that he has no church and no
followers. But if it is more pleasant for him to call himself Reverend,
why not? We all have freedom of speech and religion after all.
Q10: I sent an email to Colin, but it bounced back saying that Colin
James does not read mail. Isn't it weird?
A10: Colin James is lying again. He does read email that is sent to him.
Be more or less sure that he will repost your mail or complain to your
sysadmin about "criminal harassment" of his precious person. It has been
proven on numerous occasions, in comp.lang.ada and comp.lang.eiffel
for example.
Q11: So, what should we all do?
A11: Nothing. You cannot help, and Colin likely needs some medication
and professional help.
--****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--***ATTENTION***
Your e-mail reply to this message WILL be *automatically* ANONYMIZED.
Please, report inappropriate use to abuse@anon.penet.fi
For information (incl. non-anon reply) write to help@anon.penet.fi
If you have any problems, address them to admin@anon.penet.fi
^ permalink raw reply [flat|nested] 2+ messages in thread
* Colin James III Frequently Asked Questions
@ 1996-04-11 0:00 USENET HUMOR ADMINISTRATION
0 siblings, 0 replies; 2+ messages in thread
From: USENET HUMOR ADMINISTRATION @ 1996-04-11 0:00 UTC (permalink / raw)
COLIN JAMES III FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (AND ANSWERS)
This FAQ will be reposted monthly to relevant USENET groups.
Q1: Who is Colin James III?
A1: KotM Winner January 1996 - Colin James III (cjames@cec-services.com)
(from http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm/winnersk96.html)
Colin James III, anti-stukach, creator of BSAM, one-man harrasment
squad... What can you say about him, this anti-stukach (stukach
being Russian for "informer") claimed that he had created the BSAM
sort alogorithm, got challenged on it, demonstrated a tenuous (at
best) grasp of the basic concepts and perfromance of BSAM, then
launched into a vigourous campaign to impign all of his "enemies"
(which, to the best of my knowledge meant anyone who mentions his
name) by emailing, faxing, calling and otherwise alerting his
"enemies" employers, ISPs, and (in the case of government employees)
the Inspector General of the United States of America to naughty
behavior (reading rec.nude, corssposting to more than three
newsgroups) in the apparent hopes of costing someone his or her job,
account, or SOMETHING... I really have no idea what.
Colin has (as of last report) set up an autoresponder to tell anyone
who sends him email that "Colin is no longer accepting email to this
account". However, he/his sysadmin/SOMEONE keeps quoting the
so-called "ignored" email messages to the senders' sysadmin, boss,
the IG etc.
Colin won with an AMAZING number of votes (182!), making him the
Most-Voted-For KotM nominee in the history of the award (at least
under my term of office - Jan 1995 - Jan 1996).
Q2: What this Kook business is about?
A2: Every month since April 1994 (with a short haitus in Nov-Dec
1994), the readers of alt.usenet.kooks have nominated and voted for a
Kook of the Month. This award is intended to recognize great
achievements in the field of kookery, although (disclaimer) no
psychological diagnosis is intended or implied by the award; the fact
that a group of net.posters think that someone's ideas are bizarre
does not imply that that person is mentally disturbed in a clinical
sense.
Look at this excellent Web page: http://www.wetware.com/mlegare/kotm/KotM.html
Q3: Why is this FAQ posted here?
A2: Because Colin James had fun in your group lying about BSAM (see
below) and harassing other people.
Q4: HELP!!! Colin James sent 150 nasty faxes to my boss and human
resources department because of my USENET posts!!! He demands that
I be fired. Will I be fired?
A4: Most probably no. He has complained to employers of at least 90
people in the last six or seven months, and no one (to our best
knowledge) of his victims has been fired. If you know that Colin goes
after you, talk to your boss immediately. Show him/her this FAQ and
print out relevant materials from the Kook Page, and you should be OK.
Q5: HELP!!! I am a big boss, and never read USENET. Today some freak
called me, said me that my employee abuses my corporate resources,
libels some very important company called CEC Services, and said that
if I do not fire this employee immediately, CEC Services will initiate
a legal action against us. What to do?
A5: Stay calm. The caller is most likely to be Colin James III, or,
as he calls himself, The Right Reverend Colin James III, Principal
Scientist. He is a known nut with a hobby to harass his opponents.
USENET users elected him Kook of the Month in January'96 for his
bizarre habit of harassing anyone who mentions his name.
Colin James is LYING. He will not sue your company. This is his trick
for getting people in trouble. In fact, in March he promised several
lawsuits to be filed "next week", however none of them has been ever
been really filed. CEC Services is a one man shop operating from Colin
James' residence, so Colin James is a Principal Scientist and principal
everything in his tiny operation.
Stop any contacts with him immediately. If he finds that you are not
listening, he will shut up.
Q6: HELP!!! I am an Internet user and today in the morning I got
a phone call asking that I cease and desist posting to USENET. What
to do?
A6: This is Colin James. Immediately hang up. Lift the receiver again
and press *57 (it initiates call trace). Call the police and report a
harassing phone call likely from Colin James. Fill them with details.
Make sure that they stay on the case.
Q7: Colin James promises to sue me. What's going to happen?
A7: Nothing. COLIN JAMES IS LYING AS USUAL. He promised to sue several
people "within a week or so", and no one heard about these lawsuits
thereafter.
The reason why he does not sue his "enemies" is that his claims are
frivolous (have no legal substance) and are likely to result in a
summary judgment not in his favor. He is obviously not rich enough
to afford paying an attorney on a non-contingency basis.
#Date: Sun, 03 Mar 1996 06:58:54 GMT
# ^^^^^^^^
#Subject: Re: Has anyone actually received any legal papers from CJ3?
#Path: ...!lll-winken.llnl.gov!news.larc.nasa.gov!news.msfc.nasa.gov
#!elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu
#!newsfeed.internetmci.com!dimensional.com!news
#From: cjames@melchizedek.cec-services.com (The Right Reverend Colin James III)
#Newsgroups: comp.lang.ada
#
#
#| Or are his rantings without any legal substance?
#| dave
#
#Don't worry Dave, you're not left out. You're on the list too. We
#plan to be in court next week.
#Date: Mon, 04 Mar 1996 05:10:29 GMT
# ^^^^^^^^
#Newsgroups: comp.lang.ada
#Subject: Has anyone actually received any legal papers from CJ3?
#Path: ...!newsjunkie.ans.net!newsfeeds.ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net
#!newsfeed.internetmci.com!mr.net!winternet.com!dimensional.com!news
#
#Ronald Cole (ronald@ridgecrest.ca.us, zippy@ecst.csuchico.edu (The
#Pinhead)) wrote:
#
#"How about posting the Court and case number? I want to file an
#amicus curiae brief that contains harassing posts like this one of
#yours."
#
#Ronald, while I don't know you, fortunately, I can tell you it is US
#Federal District Court for a hearing, and I am hoping for a lady judge
#there who went to Harvard Law School and who particularly disdains
#pinheads and software architects, both of which you claim to be.
#Maybe you can get your swell pal and buddy Gary McKee, 111 W Freemont
#Ave, Littleton, CO 80120-4290, to call the clerks and show up in^H^H
#with your briefs.
Needless to say, his threats never materialized.
Q8: What is BSAM that Colin James claims to have invented?
A8: Allegedly, it is a fast method of indexing data. Nobody knows for
sure. TRRCJ3 refuses to give out any information about workings of BSAM.
On some occasions he was giving self-contradicting or outright stupid
information about BSAM and its performance.
From his post four months ago:
Subject: Re: [++] [$$] Re: Desperately seeking BSAM
>. Comparisons Moves
>. Sta- ===================== =========================
>
>Component ble Min Avg Max Min Avg Max
>========== ==- ======- ======- ======- ======- ======- ======-
>heap_sort No n log n n log n n log n n log n n log n n log n
>quick_sort No n log n n log n n^2 n log n n log n n^2
>radix_sort No n log n n log n n^2 n log n n log n n^2
>BSAM No n+ n^0.5
^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^
================================================================
Any computer science student knows that complexity
(n + n^0.5) makes no sense.
Sometimes he claims that BSAM is 10 times faster than B-trees, sometimes
that it is only four times faster.
The only thing that you can be sure about BSAM is, if you criticize it,
Colin James will demand your employer that you be fired (See Q4-Q6)
and will threaten to sue you. He is lying and will not sue you.
Q9: Why he calls himself The Right Reverend (and on some occasions bishop)?
A9: Nobody knows why, just as nobody knows what BSAM really is.
What everybody _does_ know, however, is that he has no church and no
followers. But if it is more pleasant for him to call himself Reverend,
why not? We all have freedom of speech and religion after all.
Q10: I sent an email to Colin, but it bounced back saying that Colin
James does not read mail. Isn't it weird?
A10: Colin James is lying again. He does read email that is sent to him.
Be more or less sure that he will repost your mail or complain to your
sysadmin about "criminal harassment" of his precious person. It has been
proven on numerous occasions, in comp.lang.ada and comp.lang.eiffel
for example.
Q11: So, what should we all do?
A11: Nothing. Just laugh at him.
--****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--****ATTENTION****--***ATTENTION***
Your e-mail reply to this message WILL be *automatically* ANONYMIZED.
Please, report inappropriate use to abuse@anon.penet.fi
For information (incl. non-anon reply) write to help@anon.penet.fi
If you have any problems, address them to admin@anon.penet.fi
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