From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.4.4 (2020-01-24) on polar.synack.me X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.4 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_50,INVALID_MSGID autolearn=no autolearn_force=no version=3.4.4 X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: 10ed7b,5f8295ed87de713e X-Google-Attributes: gid10ed7b,public X-Google-Thread: 103376,8f13e422b20d3059 X-Google-Attributes: gid103376,public X-Google-Thread: 115c58,19a3326487f08021 X-Google-Attributes: gid115c58,public X-Google-Thread: 104c07,8f13e422b20d3059 X-Google-Attributes: gid104c07,public X-Google-Thread: 109bf8,5f8295ed87de713e X-Google-Attributes: gid109bf8,public From: Bloody Viking Subject: Re: "It's not a Diet... It's a Lifestyle Change!" Date: 1999/01/22 Message-ID: <78930f$7ib$1@hirame.wwa.com>#1/1 X-Deja-AN: 435517501 References: <788gau$t75$1@hirame.wwa.com> Organization: ACME Eternal Batteries, Ltd. Oslo, Minnesota. User-Agent: tin/pre-1.4_WWA-980308 (Solaris2.6) (SunOS/5.6 (sun4m)) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,misc.test,alt.support.diet,comp.lang.ada,alt.support.big-folks Date: 1999-01-22T00:00:00+00:00 List-Id: In talk.bizarre Scott Dorsey wrote: : This is absolute foolishness, because you don't get the benefit of your : food. If you're eating less food, you need to eat better food to get : the same dietary benefit. This is the real benefit of the Nancy Kerrigan : Laxative Pounding Diet. By keeping the food in your body for a shorter : amount of time, you don't have as much of an opportunity to gain weight : from it, and because it doesn't stay in your body long, you can eat more. : You can east as much as you like. Well, I could take vitamins to compensate for vitamin shortages. Since I'm a fussy eater and always was, it would be easier to pop a vitamin than to try to modify my eating habits to eat rabbit food. Remember, diets don't work when you have to alter your lifestyle too far or too rapidly. That was my whole thesis. The admittedly unhealthy eating pattern evolved from my original lifestyle, and fits in. One feature of my lifestyle is I can't cook; I'm too disorganised. I don't use laxatives, unless you call booze a laxative. (weekends only) The hangover creates a laxative effect! Again, an unhealthy lifestyle choice, but drinking in bars is the only way I know of to be social. So, the pounding of laxatives a la Nancy Kerrigan and eating rabbit food will NOT work for me. That's the trick to this whole lame business. You have to find an eating pattern you can live with on a day to day basis. : That's the other benefit! In addition to allowing you to absorb fewer : calories from your food, the Nancy Kerrigan Laxative Pounding Diet actually : causes you to exercise more, without your having to lift a finger. Remember : smooth muscle exercise is important too. But what's wrong with the Dilbert Exercise Programme? : Just send $9.95 to: No thanks. There's enough crackpot diet plans out there at a bookstore. Think of my thing as a parody of all the crackpot diet plans. That gives me an idea. You realise that I accidentally invented yet another crackpot diet plan. Maybe I should write a book! That way, I could get rich off all those people searching for that ever-elusive diet plan that works. To save credibility, I could avoid talking about my eating habits and concentrate on the exercise part of it. Exercise is one of those things that people can't stick to as well as a diet. Since I found a way to get exercise on the job (and score brownie points with a boss) it would be easier to slip it in. Think about it. How many people like playing team sports? Only the people who as kids were the gym teacher's pets. The gym teacher went out of his way to ruin everyone else to physical activity. The Dilbert Programme solves that problem. No time wasted on a treadmill. No embarassment in a health club shower room. No embarassment about not hitting the hoop. No bullshit. And no sweatiness! :) As far as "idling" calorie consumption, I'm an insomniac who has anxiety problems, most notably social anxieties. I'll pass on the laxative-induced runs to the toilet. And I do NOT reccomend my eating patterns! -- CAUTION: Email Spam Killer in use. Leave this line in your reply! 152680 T-minus 344 Days, 0 Hours, and 38 Minutes until Y2K and counting. 3434298 bytes of spam mail deleted. http://www.wwa.com/~nospam/