From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.4.4 (2020-01-24) on polar.synack.me X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.4 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_50,INVALID_MSGID, LOTS_OF_MONEY autolearn=no autolearn_force=no version=3.4.4 X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: 109fba,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gid109fba,public X-Google-Thread: f645d,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gidf645d,public X-Google-Thread: 1014db,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gid1014db,public X-Google-Thread: 10b841,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gid10b841,public X-Google-Thread: 108717,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gid108717,public X-Google-Thread: 103376,9ba82fed1b97189b,start X-Google-Attributes: gid103376,public From: seebs@solutions.solon.com (Peter Seebach) Subject: JoBs - Various locations, Good pay!!! Date: 1996/04/01 Message-ID: <4jpip8$6pg@solutions.solon.com>#1/1 X-Deja-AN: 145299943 organization: Usenet Fact Police (Undercover) followup-to: poster newsgroups: misc.jobs.offered,comp.lang.c,comp.lang.c++,comp.lang.ada,comp.programming,comp.lang.basic.visual Date: 1996-04-01T00:00:00+00:00 List-Id: Immediate openings available for the following positions. We apologize for any typos; the person in the company who can use a computer is on vacation, so we faxed these to a fax-to-news gateway, after typing them in on a typewriter. To apply, burn resume in a mixture of sulpher, ground snakeskin, and lime jell-o, between 11:59PM and 12:01 AM on the next full moon. Be sure to also burn a scrap of human skin engraved with the job posting ID. -----Experienced Java Applications Programmer (Gulf of Mexico) ID#EJAPGOM The qualified applicant will have: * At least 3 years experience working with Java in a forms and business environment. * Size 8 or larger shoes. * 14+ years Visual COBOL. Salary will range from $66,666 to $99,999, depending on experience, qualifications, and skin color. -----Experienced VMS/Visual Basic Developer (Emma Fitzgerald) ID#EVVBDEF The qualified applicant will have: * 5+ years experience working in a Visual Basic/VMS environment. * A Starter jacket. * A microbus. Salary from $20k through $40k, payable in slightly damp taconite. -----C/C++ Windows Developer (Potomac) ID#CCWDP The qualified applicant will have: * Developed Microsoft Windows in C/C++. * 3+ years experience using Netscape to develop applications software. * Have at least 15 years experience in a C/C++/Windows enviroment. * Be familiar with local flora and fauna. Salary from $15k through $1m, depending on experience and gender. -----COBOL Basket Weaver (Golden Gate Bridge) ID#CBWGGB The qualified applicant will have: * 5+ years experience weaving baskets in COBOL/RPG. * 3+ years experience using Java in an IBM mainframe environment. * 3+ years experience with GURPS or AD&D. * A good portfolio to show off, including Easter baskets. Salary from $20k to $40k, rolled on d20+20 weekly. -----Applications Programming/Real Industrial Labor (Louisiana) ID#APRIL The qualified applicant will have: * An NEI degree in Mechanical Engineering. * A Ph.D in chemistry, philosophy, or the equivalent. * A very fast car. Salary from $18,223.01 through $18,223.04, depending on experience and height. -----Full-time Operator/Operations Labor Specialist (Everglades) ID#FOOLS The qualified applicant will: * Be willing to perjure himself on a moment's notice. * Be able to resist the temptation to eat small birds that hop into his mouth to clean his teeth. * Have a last name starting with 'A'. Salary from $42,000 through $42,000, depending on number of chromosomes. ----END JOB POSTINGS---- Remember, if you see one of these in a group you don't think it belongs in, go screw yourself! Recruiters don't make money by being honest or polite. -- Peter Seebach - seebs@solon.com - Copyright 1996 Peter Seebach. C/Unix wizard -- C/Unix questions? Send mail for help. No, really! FUCK the communications decency act. Goddamned government. [literally.] The *other* C FAQ - http://www.solon.com/~seebs/c/c-iaq.html