From mboxrd@z Thu Jan 1 00:00:00 1970 X-Spam-Checker-Version: SpamAssassin 3.4.4 (2020-01-24) on polar.synack.me X-Spam-Level: * X-Spam-Status: No, score=1.1 required=5.0 tests=BAYES_05,REPLYTO_WITHOUT_TO_CC autolearn=no autolearn_force=no version=3.4.4 X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: 103376,cc3447b4c9440819,start X-Google-Attributes: gid103376,public X-Google-ArrivalTime: 1995-03-14 08:40:29 PST Path: bga.com!news.sprintlink.net!uunet!in1.uu.net!portal.austin.ibm.com!bocanews.bocaraton.ibm.com!watnews.watson.ibm.com!sernews.raleigh.ibm.com!usenet From: scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com Newsgroups: comp.lang.ada Subject: Ten Commandments of Software Engineering (Humor) Date: 14 Mar 1995 15:07:38 GMT Organization: Image Solution Development, Software Solutions Div, IBM Message-ID: <3k4bfq$vg6@sernews.raleigh.ibm.com> Reply-To: scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com NNTP-Posting-Host: ankrums.asd.bet.ibm.com X-Newsreader: IBM NewsReader/2 v1.02 Date: 1995-03-14T15:07:38+00:00 List-Id: I saw this elsewhere, but thought it belonged here. Originally posted by: tkrader@aol.com (TKRader) on the Newsgroup: comp.software-eng Date: 10 Mar 1995 09:37:08 -0500 I found this "bit" of humor posted on the wall outside my office. Fundamentalists, Mormons, and Scientologists need not read this as it might be somewhat offensive. C/C++ proselytes don't bother flaming me, either. ;+> Alas, I know the guy who wrote this very well. He's a man of infinite jest. Tim ********************** The 10 Commandments as interpreted by Bishop Yorik The Church of Charles Babbage of the Latter Day Programmers (a.k.a. the Church of Computer Scientology) 0001) Ada is thine compiler which has brought thee out of the practice of obfuscated "C" into the land of self-documenting code. Thou shalt not use false compilers before obtaining a written waiver. 0010) Thou shalt not make unto thee any false and graven Ada derivatives, nor any derivatives of any syntax that is in the language or standard libraries. Thou shalt not resort to using them nor distributing them, for Ada is a standard that visits the iniquities of nonbelievers upon the descendant lifecycle phases and showing higher lifecycle productivity on those that keep these commandments. 0011) Thou shalt not take exception to the language of Ada for the government shall not hold him guiltless who proposes another language. 0100) Thou shalt remember the architecture and keep it wholly. For concepts, requirements, preliminary and detailed design shalt thou labor, and do the up-front development, but the fifth phase is implementation and thou shalt do no architectural changes, nor thy pro-grammers, nor thy managers, nor any customer that resides within your facility; for at CDR the system has been blessed and the designers shall rest. 0101) Honor thy methodologist and thy system engineer that thy days of employment may be long that thy knowledge of computer science hath giveth thee. 0110) Thou shalt not hack code. 0111) Thou shalt not adulterate code with functions that are out of scope, nor viruses, time-bombs nor trojan horses. 1000) Thou shalt not "steal "copyrighted code except that thou shalt "reuse' CSCs whenever possible. 1001) Thou shalt not bear false status reports to thy supervisor, nor false discrepancy reports against thy teammate's software, nor false cost or schedule estimates to thy customer. 1010) Thou shalt not covet thy teammate's window cubicle, nor thy teammate's workstation, nor tools nor SEE nor secretary nor position nor teammate's salary. And all the managers saw the thundering of Ada zealots and trade studies and symposium papers and the smoking of the programmers fingers over their keyboards, and when the managers saw the increased productivity they stood in awe. And the managers said unto the computer scientologists, speak not of this to our VPs lest we be fired for not thinking of this ourselves. ------- ------- ------- ------- T. Scott Ankrum -- IBM, Software Solutions Division, Bethesda Phone: (301)-803-1990 FAX: (301)-803-2377 Inter-Enterprise: USIB1JKV at IBMMAIL Internet: scott_ankrum@vnet.ibm.com |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| | Life: "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound | | and fury, signifying nothing." Shakespeare | |___________________________________________________________|